JOKES

JOKES

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(1)

HUMBLE REQUEST..

He has served us Beer when we were Sad & Happy.. Now he needs our help.. Please save Vijay Mallya.. Pls ADOPT atleast ONE Kingfisher Air hostess..

(2)

What is the best example of ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunity? A Mosquito lands on your wife’s face, & u get the rarest opportunity of your life.. Never miss it!!

(3)

Edison Had Rightly Said:

A Fool Can Ask More Questions, Than A Wise Can Answer..

Now We Know..

Why All Of Us ..Are Speechless During The Exam Viva.

(4)

Bus Accident

Man Crying: Mera hath kat gaya.

Bahut dard ho raha hai.

Santa: Abey chup baith.

Wo dekh uska gala kat gaya,

Fir bhi chup-chaap pada hai..!!

(5)

Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge?

Santa: Biwi Se

Jailer: Maa-Baap se nahi

Santa: Maa-Baap to agla jnm lete hi mil jyenge

biwi ke liye sala phir 25 saal wait karna padega!! :d

(6)

Beti: Mein padosi se pyar karti hu aur uske sath bhag rahi hu!

Baap: Thanks mere apise aur time dono bach gye.

Beti: Papa mein to letter padh rahi hu!

jo mummy rakh ke Gayi..!!

(7)

Ek ladki class me gana ga rahi thi

“O zara-zara touch me, touch me, touch me…”

Tabhi ek ladka utha aur ladki ko chhu liya aur

bola himmat hai to aage Gaa..

(8)Ek bar engineering ke sabhi Professores ko

ek plane mein bithaya gaya..

Fir announce kiya gaya ki
“YE PLANE APKE STUDENTS NE BNAYA HAI”

Sab profesrs utar gaye…
Par principal baithe rahe

Logo ne pucha: Aapko Darr nahi lgta?

Principle: Muje apne studnts par pura bharosa hai.

Ye start hi nahi hoga!!

(9)
Husband: can u be the moon of my life?

Wife: Awww Yes sweetheart..!
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Husband: Great! then….
Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!!

(10)
Nani (to a kid): Soja DIPLOMA soja!

Padosan: diploma kyo bulati ho isse?

Nani: Meri ladki College DIPLOMA lene gayi thi,

ye leke aa gayi..!!

(11)

Teacher: Gaali kya hai?

Student: Krodh ke smay mukh se nikle ashudh shabdon ka samuh

Jinke uchcharan ke paschat Vyakti ke hriday Ko ShantiKa anubhv hota hai.

(12)

Height of Blackmail:

A Beggar sitting on the road with a board that says.,

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Give me some Money

otherwise

I will Vote for Congress again

and

make you to sit near me

(13)

Santa Zebra Crossing Ke Black & White Lines Par

Baar-Baar Idhar-Udhar Chal Raha Tha,

Aur

Soch Raha Tha Ki

Sala Ye Piano Bajta Kyo Nahi. =D =))

(14)

Principal: what u want to becom in future?

Student: After studyin MBBS, I want to join Police force n gt good job in a good software company nd work as lawyer n construct big buildings n conduct research nd become actor..

Principal: Hey, Wat's ur name?

Student: Rajnikant!!

(15)Math Teacher : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

Student : I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter.

(16)

Height of Blackmail:

A Beggar sitting on the road with a board that says.,

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Give me some Money

otherwise

I will Vote for Congress again

and

make you to sit near me

(17)

Santa Zebra Crossing Ke Black & White Lines Par

Baar-Baar Idhar-Udhar Chal Raha Tha,

Aur

Soch Raha Tha Ki

Sala Ye Piano Bajta Kyo Nahi. =D =))

(18)

Dedicated 2 0l Girls:
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"Apki kahani humari zubani"
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Apke pas dimag hai,
chalta ni alag bat hai.
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Ap smart hai,
k0i manta ni hai alag bat hai.
.
.
Ap sareef hai,
lagta ni alag bat hai.
.
.
Kaafi izzat hai apki,
k0i karta ni alag bat hai.

(19)

Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge?
Santa: Biwi Se
Jailer: Maa-Baap se nahi
Santa: Maa-Baap to agla jnm lete hi mil jyenge
biwi ke liye sala phir 25 saal wait karna padega!! :d

(20)

Wife to drunk husband: From now on,

if ur lips touch liquor

u will never touch my lips

Husband: awwww??

Wife: Now What r u thinking??

Husband: deciding,

18yr old Scotch

or

42yr old lips?

(21)

Judge-Na Jane Kyu

Mujhe Tumhari Shakl Jani Pahchani Si Lag Rahi Hai!

Mujrim-Huzoor!

Main Reshma Bai Ke Kothe Me Tabla Bajata Hu.

(22)Teacher: Tumhare Papa Kya Karte Hai?
Mintu: Wo Sabke Such-Dukh Bantate Hai.
Teacher: Kya Matlab!
Mintu: Wo Postman Hai.

(23)Teacher: Gaali kya hai?
Student: Krodh ke smay mukh se nikle ashudh shabdon ka samuh
Jinke uchcharan ke paschat Vyakti ke hriday Ko ShantiKa anubhv hota hai.

(24)Wife :

It's my bad luck day I married you !

Otherwise

Lots of Smart Boys were interested in me :/

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Husband :

Of course

they Must Be Smart :

thats whY they Escaped from You

(25)

A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to 18 children.
The reporter didn't quite hear the message and said, "Would you repeat that?"
"Not if I can help it," replied the woman.

(26)

4 boys on bike...
Police:- triple riding is
banned aur tum 4 baithe
ho??
Boys shocked...
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look behind..
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.
and says:- saalo 5wa kaha
gir gya...??

(27)

SANTA, your son is Dead..

Hearing this bad news Santa jumps from 50th floor

35 flr:

He realizes- i don't have son

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20 flr-

i am not married &

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3rd flr-

SHIT i am Banta. :p

(28)

Snta-Ye Nya Mobile Kab Liya?

Bnta-Liya Nai..

Gf Ka Uthaya H

Snta-Q?

Bnta-Wo Roz Kahti K

Tum Mera Phon Nhi Uthate..

Aaj Mauka Dekh K Utha Liya

(29)

Ek aurat coma main chali

gai . . .
Pati murda samjh kr jalane
chala ....
Raste main arthi khambe se
takrane se aurat ko hosh agaya...
1 saal bad aurat sach main mar
gai . . .

Sab log RAM RAM SATYA hai
bolty ja rahe thy
. Lekin .

Pati ki zuban pe ek hi baat thi

KHAMBA BACHA ke. .

(30)

Today,Santa Was Lying On Beach,
Amrican:R U Relaxing?
Santa:No I M Gopal Singh,
Anothr Amrican: R U Relaxing?
Santa: No (Shouting) I M Gopal Singh
&
Left Tht Place In Anger.
Then Santa Asks 1 American,
R U Relaxing?
American:Yes
Santa Slaps Him & Says,
"Haramkhor Sab Tujhe Dhund h or tu yaha pada h

(31)

Dukh Na Dena Mere DOST Ko.

Mujhe Chahay SUKH Ki bahaar Dedo..!

Ghoome New CYCLE Pe DOST Mera..

Mujhe Bhalay Hi Purani Si MERCEDES
CAR Dedo..!

Bhooka Na Rakhna Mere DOST Ko Khane Ko Taazi DAAL Dedo,

Mujhe Bhalay Hi Kal Ka liay Pizza
Hut,mcdonalds, Hardees

AUR..
DEW Ka Sirf 1 Glass Dedo..!

(32)

Boy: Tumhara naam kya hai?

Girl: Kyun btau? mein tumhai janti bhi nahi!

Boy: Na batao mein konsa tumhai apni ferari mein betha raha hun!

Girl: Neha, B.com 2nd Yr

Wo samne wali gali me right hand pe 4th number pe mera ghr hai 32/B,

Ghar mein ek chota bhai n mummy papa hain,

Tution timings 6-8.

(33)

Height of Kuch Bhi
Teacher:Agr 1 aam ki ped pr 10
kele lage h, or un me se 7
amrood tod liye to kitne angur
bache?
Student:Sir 9 Hathi
Teacher:Wah tumhe kaise pata chala?
Student:Sir Qki me aaj lunch
me gobhi ki sabzi laya hu

Moral of the Story: Roz brush karo
warna petrol mehnga ho jayega..!

(34)What's the
main reason for
divorce ?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
"Marriage"

(35)

HUS: kal raat mene sapna dekha
WIFE: kya?
HUS: Tumhe koi utha le jaraha he
WIFE: fir aapne kya kiya?
HUS: uski madat ki, tumhe uthane me

(36)

Doc or MBA mar jate h
Yamraj:
dr. ko 11 or MBA ko 9 saal NARAK ki saja
Doc:muje 2saal jada kyon
YAMRAJ:
ye MBA. Karke nark bhog chuka h

(37)
Ladka: Kaha Ja rahi ho janeman..
LADKI: Besaram Tumhare Ghar Me Maa Behan Nahi He Kya?
LADKA: Pata Nahi Aaj Mai To Subah Hi Ghar Se Nikal Gaya

(38)
Santa 2 a girl: Aao Sohneo Saade dil de ander lang aao.
Girl: Jutti Utaran?
Santa: Na ji aive hi lang aao, appan kehda Akand Path rakhya.?

(39)
HUS: kal raat mene sapna dekha
WIFE: kya?
HUS: Tumhe koi utha le jaraha he
WIFE: fir aapne kya kiya?
HUS: uski madat ki, tumhe uthane me

(40)

Girl-Aajtak Tumne Kiss Nhi Kiya,Kiss Karona
Santa-Nhi
Girl-Q Nahi?
Santa-Baoji ne Kaha He Aurato K Muh Nhi Lagana Chahiye.

(41)

Girl : Kya Aapne Meri Judwa Behan ko kahi dekha hai?

Santa : Nahi Abhi tak to nahi dekha,Ha!par wo kis ke jaisi dikhti hai?

(42)

Wife:Our servant
has stolen the
silver spoon.
Husband:Which one?
Wife:one which we stole from hotel.

(43)

Tumhe Biwi pasand hay Ya Sharaab
Santa: Sharab
Banta: Q?
Santa: Jab biwi marte hay to Shrab se kuch mahsus nhi hota

(44)

Malik-Dekh Bahar suraj nikla ha q nahi
Srvnt-lekin,bhar to andhera hai
M-ja torch jala k dekh

(45)

Grl:jb b me
tumre pas
ati hu to tum
CHSMA
pehnte ho
By:Dr ne kha h jb SRDARD aye
to chsma pehen lena

(47)

Police:Wada Karo Aage Se Jeb Nhi Katoge

Chor:Mai Wada Karta Hu Ab Aage Se Nhi Pichhe Se Jeb Katunga

(48)

College me student Notice Board ko dekh kar Ro Q rahe the??

Guess..

Are Woha likha tha
EXAM Suru

(49)

Santa:Roz mere sapne me 1 ladki scooter le k ati he,aaj nehi ayi.
Banta:Scoter Punchar ho gaya hoga

(50)

Mum.Studnt:Exam thik tha

UP st:Exam badhiya tha
Delhi st:Exam ko mar goli,bagalwali ladki pat gayi..

(51)

who do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?

A siter-in-law

(52)

Sir : Teri shikayat aayi hai ki tu Gaaliya bohot deta hai :P
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Student: “Sir, maine to kabhi kisi kutte ke bache ko gali nahi
di, Pata nahi kis ullu k pathe ne aap ko bataya hai. Agar wo kutta
samneaajaye to us kamine ko dekh lu. Sir aapka
student, zalil ban ke nach lega lekin kisi
ko kabhi gali nahi dega.

(53)

Ek Clinic k aage lambi line thi,
1Aadmi bar-bar line me ghusta tha,
par log usko pakar k piche phek dete the
~
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~
Admi:"Lage raho,
Saalo clinic hi nahi kholunga"... :p:O

(54)

Ek aadmi jor jor se chilla raha tha. "NAAG ka Pinjra 20 Rs me" "NAAG ka Pinjra 20 Rs me" Logo ne paas jaakar dekha.. To kamina UNDERWEAR bech raha tha...:-):)

(55)

Bataiye… sach baat itni chubhti kyu hai..??

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Kyunki Sach baat mai point hota hai.

(56)

Har ek boy ki dil ki khwaaish hoti hai……??
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khud kitne bade kaminey honge

par larki shareef chahiye…..

(57)

Ek Ladka aur ek Ladki ki shaadi hui..

Aap yakeen nahi karoge ke doosrey din hi

Unka Bachaa hua

khana kharab ho gaya..

Fridge me nahi rakha tha na !

(58)

Gareebi Kya Hai ??
.
Jab 1 Khubsurat Ladki 2 Rupye Me Kiss Karne Ko
Taiyaar Ho..
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Aur
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Tumhare Paas Sirf 1 Rupya Ho.

(59)

When U R Single,
You See Happy Couples Everywhere,

,

But

,

When U R Married,
You See Happy Singles Everywhere... ;) :D

(60)

Aaeey mamu aaj Bapu ka janmadin hai,
Boleto Gandhi jayanti hai,
To mast mein bapu ko yaad karane ka,
Aur is msg ko dosto me forward karke,
Gandhigiri phailane ka kya mamu.

(70)

f movies wear made by drinkers, it would be named-
1) Soda Akbar
2) Rab Ne Pila di Thodi
3) Rum de basanti
4) Hum tight ho chuke sanam
5) Beer Zaara
6) Bewde Zameen par.

(71)

Bite pal phir la nahi sakte,
sukhe phul phir khila nahi sakte,
kabhi kabhi lagta hai aap hume yaad nahi karte,
par dil kehta hai aap hame bhula bhi nahi sakte..

(72)

Jeevan Mein Vipatti
Aaye To Aapatti Mat Kijiye..!!
Kyon Ki
Doodh Fatne Par Wohi Log
Udaas Hote Hain...
Jinhe Paneer Banana Nahi Aata..!!

(73)

Girl: Chalo main chupti hu tum mujhe dhundna.
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Agar dhund liya to hum shoping chalenge.
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Boy: Agar nahi dhunda to?
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Girl: Aisa mat kaho na jaanu main darwaze ke piche hi chupungi

(74)

Mareez- Dr. Sahab Mein boht khush rehta hoon,

Neend sukoon se aati hai,

Zindagi main Aman hi Aman hai,

Har kaam main Dil b Lagta hai,
Koi pareshani hi nahi.

Aisa kiyon hai ?

Doctor: Mein aap ki Bimari samajh gaya hoon.
Aap ki zindagi may
Vitamin "she' ki kami hai...

(75)

A Girlfriend Calls her Boyfriend

GF : Honey where are you ?

BF : I'm at the bank.

GF : Dear, please I need 3000 bucks to activate my blackberry, 5000 to do my hair and 10,000 to buy a dress.

BF : Sorry, I meant I was at the "bank"
of a river ..
Do you want fish ??"

(76)

Dost saath ho to rone mein bhi shaan hai,
Dost na ho to mehfil bhi shamshaan hai,
Saara khel in Dosto ka hi hai,
Varna..
Janaza aur Baarat sale dono hi ek saman hai.

(77)

Just imagine life without boyz:::
Roads silent
Collages empty
Police at rest
all mobile companies in loss
no sms
No gift
No alcohol
No bikes
No crime
No couples
which means world depends on
us;;;;;
BOYS ROCKS
BOYS HIT LIKE ♥

(78)

20 saal tak jail me 1 he kamre me rehne ke bad

2no ne riha hone pe kaha. .

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Chal baki Batyn phone pe kryn ge. . .:D:P

(79)

2 Machar bate kar rahe the.
1st Bola: Main Doctor Banuga.
2nd Bola: Main Enginer Banuga.
Itne Mein Aadmi Ne MORTIN Jala Di.
Machar Bole: Sale ne Career hi khtam kar diya

(80)

When ever boys see a Beautiful Girl with

Cool Figure
Long Hair
Fair Complexion

They remind the Tata Sky slogan

Isko pata dala to life jhingalala.

(81)