SANTA BNTA SMS
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Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
(2)
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesnt turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out
(3)
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
(4)
Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
(5)
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
(6)
Santa: My wife went out for drinks with the girls from her work. I am sure there would be a fight between us tonight.
Banta: But why fight?
Santa: Bcoz she simply would get back and tell me EVERYTHING that's wrong with me.
(7)
Jeeto suggested to his husband, "We should get a lock on the bathroom door, since my mother will be staying with us for a few months".
So Santa set to work.
When he'd finished, Jeeto shouted, "*&%#$@ that's really funny, I meant on the inside".
(8)
एक व्यक्ति "कौन बनेगा करोड़पति" में हिस्सा लेने गया!
अमिताभ बच्चन: आपके लिये पहला सवाल, "कौन सी एयरलाइन बहुत आर्थिक पेरशानी के कारण बंद है?" और आपके पास ये चार विकल्प (Options) मौजूद हैं:
1. जेट एयरवेज़
2. इंडिगो एयरलाइन्स
3. किंगफ़िशर एयरलाइन्स
4. स्पाइस जेट
संता: इसका उत्तर है 3 नंबर, "किंगफ़िशर एयरलाइन्स!"
अमिताभ बच्चन: फिर से सोच लें , क्या किया जाये?
संता: ताला लगाएं।
अमिताभ बच्चन: कंप्यूटर जी, किंगफ़िशर एयरलाइन को ताला लगाया जाये।
(9)
Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya.
Santa: Ye 3 mahine mein bacha kaise ho gaya?
Biwi: Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai?
Santa: 3 mahine.
Biwi: Aur meri shadi ko?
Santa: 3 mahine.
Biwi: Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua?
Santa: 3 mahine baad.
Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye?
Santa: Ohh teri vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye!
time ka pata hi nahi laga?
(10)
एक बार एक मंदिर में प्रवचन चल रहा होता है तो प्रवचन देने वाला गुरु सभी भक्तों से कहता है;
गुरु: आप सब में से जो-जो स्वर्ग जाना चाहता है, वह अपना हाथ ऊपर करे!
यह सुन संता की बीवी और सास ने हाथ ऊपर उठाया परन्तु संता ने हाथ नहीं उठाया यह देख गुरु ने संता से पूछा;
गुरू: क्या तुम स्वर्ग नहीं जाना चाहते बेटा?
(11)
Santa court mein judge se:
Aaj tak meri itni insult nahi hui,
meri nai padson ne mujhe nahate hue dekh lia he!
Judge: to tum kya chahte ho?
Santa: Badla.
(12)
Santa: CHADDI lelo CHADDI..
Girl: Tumhe sharm nhi aati, kya gande shabd bol rahe ho, koi dusre naam se kehte
.
.
.
Santa: OK!
POND ke KHOL lelo, POND ke KHOL!
(13)
Santa: Dettol sabun hai?
Dukandaar: Hai,
Santa: Accha wala?
Dukndar: Ha
Santa: Acchi quality ka hai na?
Dukndr: Ha
Santa: Hath dhokar 1 Kilo aatta dedo.
(14)
Santa goes to a petrol pump..
He reads notice:
DON’T USE MOBIL PHONE HERE
He picks his cell,
call everyone & says:
DON’T CALL ME NOW,
I am at Petrol Pump.
(15)
Doctor: Kaise Aana Hua?
Santa: Doc Sab, Tabiyat Theek Nahi hai, Liver mein Pain ho raha hai
Doc: Daroo Peete ho??
Santa: Haan, Par Chhota Peg hi Banana
(16)
Santa: The wife caught me cheating yesterday. It was a stupid and careless mistake.
Banta: Oh my God! So bad.
Santa: Yep, it's sad, she's never going to play 'Monopoly' with me again.
(17)
Banta: Suggest some good movie?
Santa: Snakes on a plane.
Banta: What's it about?
Santa: Horses... horses on a boat.
(18)
Shaadi ki party mein DJ ne puchha: kab tak bajaana hai
Santa: 8-10 peg tak baja lo
uske baad toh hum sab generator ki awaz par bhi naach lenge.
(19)
Santa Newspaper padh raha tha.
Banta: Koi Nayi khabar hai kya?
Santa: Ye kya U.P. ko 4 hisso mein kar diya jayega.
Banta: Jis Ghar mein Aurat ki chlti hai yahi hota hai.
(20)
एक बार संता की गर्लफ्रेंड ने उस से पूछा;
गर्लफ्रेंड: जानू एक बात पूछूँ?
संता: हाँ पूछो!
गर्लफ्रेंड: डार्लिंग क्या मैं तुम्हारे सपनों में आती हूं?
संता: नहीं!
गर्लफ्रैंड: क्यों नहीं?
संता: क्योंकि मैं हनुमान चालिसा पढ़ कर सोता हूं!
(21)
Doctor: Do exercise daily for good health.
Santa: Sir i play football, cricket, tennis daily.
Doctor: how long do you play?
Santa: until d battery in my mobile goes down!!
(22)
Santa: agar wo meri nahi hui to..
main usko kisi aur ki nahi hone dunga!!
Banta: agar wo teri ho gai to sabko dega??
(23)
Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya…
Santa: ye 3 mahine me bachha kaise hogaya?
Biwi: Aapki shaadi ko kitna time hua?
Santa: 3 mahine
Biwi: aur meri shaadi ko?
Santa: 3 mahina.
Biwi: aur bachha kitne time baad hua?
Santa: 3 mahine baad.
Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye?
Santa: ohh terii!vakai 9 mahine ho gaye, time ka pata hi nahi laga
(24)
Santa Banta looking at an Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case!
Banta: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai: BC-1760!!
(25)
Santa: Samundr mein Nimbu ka Ped ho to Tum Kaise Todoge?
Banta: Chidiya Ban ke.
Santa: Admi ko Chidiya Tera baap Banayega kya?
Banta: Samundar mein Ped Teri maa Lagayegi kya?
(26)
Nurse ne baby ko santa ke haath mein diya.
Woh kushi se chillaya-
Puttar hua! Puttar hua!
Nurse chillai- Abbe andhe ki aulad LADKI hui hai!
Meri ungli chhod..!
(27)
Santa after looking a slim girl-
Chehra tera khas nahi,
Haddiyo me tera mass nahi,
Propose main tujhe khak karu…
14 feb tk tere jeene ki aas nahi
(28)
Santa: MBA ka full form kya hai..?
Banta: Tu ek dum ullu hai,
dekhta nahi charo taraf MBA ki dhoom machi hai..!!
MBA bole toh- “MAI BHI ANNA”
(29)
Santa took his broken down car for repair. The mechanic fixed it in two minutes.
Santa: What happened?
Mechanic: Just shit in the air filter.
Santa: How often do I have to do that?
(30)
Shadi me Joota chhupai ke time dulhe ki 1sali boli-
Mein to 1100 Lungi
2nd sali- Mein to 2100 Lungi
piche se
Santa bola: 2310 Lelo Usme Bluetooth aur FM bhi he
(31)
Banta: As soon as women see me, they want to get in shape to impress me.
Santa: That's really impressive. Exactly, what do they do?
Banta: They start running.
Santa- Hey bhagwan promotion karwa dena
51 rupees ka bhog apke chorono me rakh rha hu!!
God- Pagal marwayega kya?
ANNA HAZARE
Dekha raha hai
(32)
Santa apni biwi kw sath train me safar kar raha tha
Raatko biwi boli: Yeh admi mere blouse me hath dal raha hai..
Santa:Tu fikar na kar paise mere jeb main hain
(33)
"What do you do?" Santa asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with.
Girl: I'm a nurse.
I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," Santa whispered in her ear.
Girl: That would be miraculous. I work in the maternity ward.
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